If you are considering online dating in midlife, please know that you´re not alone. I mean, how is a woman past a certain age going to meet new people, outside of her immediate circle of friends, family or coworkers?
Whether you´ve never been married or have finally recovered from the angst of a divorce, it´s just not that easy to meet like-minded men on a daily basis.
Look, I know what you may be thinking: “but, what if my family and friends don´t approve?” Well, tough nails, it´s not their love life, is it?
It´s always so much easier to dish out dating advice when you´re watching from the sidelines. Nobody but you knows what it´s like to be in your shoes.
Besides, this business of dating your sister-in-law´s best friend may not be such a good idea.
If it doesn´t work out, can you imagine having to see the guy at the family Christmas party? This can be even worse if he´s a coworker!
Anyhow, so online dating does not carry the stigma it once did. When we were younger, it was considered exclusively for losers, but the younger crowd has turned it into a thing.
And now online dating is just another option for anyone of any age wanting a fling or a serious relationship.
It´s just a question of which dating app or service to sign up for and stating what you´re there for.
Now, you probably have your qualms. I know how you feel because I was in your shoes once. After my divorce and before I met my current husband, I tried online dating.
I was actually writing a book about finding love in midlife and I wanted to be able to write from experience. And boy, did I get it.
I went on several dates with different guys and learned a lot in the process.
Here are some of my insights into online dating:
- People will often misrepresent themselves, from posting photos of when they were ten years younger and 50 pounds lighter to hiding their bald heads with a cap.
- Some may say they don´t smoke and then reek of cigarettes in person.
- The guys you like may not like you back but then the ones that make you want to gag will pursue you relentlessly.
- Many men are serial online daters. They are in it for the fun of it and are not seeking a committed relationship. Some are married.
But not everything is awful, there are also upsides to online dating:
- There are good men out there, seeking a life partner. It´s a matter of finding the right one.
- You stand a greater chance of meeting your match, since he is probably someone you would not meet in your daily life.
- It is an affordable service for the most part and it is extremely convenient.
- There are ways to effectively screen your prospective dates.
How to make online dating fun and safe
Once you´ve decided that you will meet your suitor in real life, make sure you tell friends and family where you´re going, and at what time to expect you.
Drive yourself or cab it to and from the public location you will meet at and don´t give him your address or even phone number if you can avoid it.
It can be easy to want to sip on a drink too many to relax, but better curtail that to prevent unpleasant situations.
Don´t leave your drink unattended, and if you do, order a new one when you get back to your seat.
Now, there is more that you can do to enjoy your coffee, lunch or dinner with your date.
You´ve probably heard that it´s a good idea to run a background check on the guy. Now, I understand that this sounds creepy. Not only that, it can get expensive.
And thirdly, a background check does not tell you whether the man is a self-centered jerk, insecure, a loud-mouth or disrespectful.
Wouldn´t it be great to know these things about him before you even accept the invitation to dinner?
Rate your date!
Well, there is a way to find out! Undolus.com provides this service.
It was founded by two female lawyers who have gone through divorce and midlife dating themselves, and dreamed of a way to protect women who want to find love again.
The way it works is pretty simple. Whether you are signed up to an online dating service or meeting up for drinks with someone your friends set you up with, Undolus.com is a complementary service.
You sign up and create a profile. Then you can search for your date as long as you know his name, age and his state of legal residence.
You can include additional details if you know them, such as his date of birth, phone number, e-mail address or employer.
There are two ways you can find out more about him. A one time search is $15.95. But if you would like to be able to check out more than one guy, then there is another option.
For a monthly fee of $29.95 you can run unlimited background checks for $5.95 dollars each, which is cheaper than running them on your own.
You will find out whether he has a criminal record. You can also find out whether he has any lawsuits, whether he´s filed for bankruptcy or been evicted. You will also know whether he is a registered sex offender.
Now, Undolus.com gives your potential date a score based on several factors. One of them is based on the background check. If he is a registered sex offender, his score immediately drops to 0.
But that´s not the only thing Undolus.com provides. They will also give you the Google search results for your potential date, so you can see what he is known for. That is also known as his digital reputation.
And lastly and perhaps most importantly, there is another score for your potential date, based on other women´s feedback!
When I told my husband about it, he said, “Oh wow, so it´s like Amazon, but for people!” I thought he pretty much summed it up.
So yes, you can read feedback about him from other women and best of all, you can leave feedback too!
And if you would like to be contacted privately by other women, you can say so in your profile and interact with the man´s previous dates to find out more about him.
Now, THIS is sisterhood. At this stage of the game we know it´s important to have one another´s backs. And what more important aspect than when it comes to dating and relationships.
So I invite you to try Undolus.com and sign up using code VF20 for a 20% discount.
I urge you to leave feedback for as many men as you are able to, so that we can get the party started and enjoy dating as it is meant to be enjoyed.