Let’s face it, many abuelas are heavily involved in the lives of their grandchildren. This can be good or bad. You might have the abuela who won’t take no for an answer and insists on being just like a mom to your kids. She wants to take over because she thinks she knows best. If you let her, she’d sleep over every night and take your motherhood completely away from you. That may work for some but it may drive others into a flying outrage. On the other hand, you might have the abuela who rarely comes around, the one you hardly ever see and who only visits during the holidays. The children might even forget they have an abuela at all, that’s how bad it is. Abuela who? Yep, many of us (myself included!) have one of those, but let’s save that for another post.
Abuelas are meant to be an integral part of their grandchildren’s lives, but we moms need to feel valued as well. We need to know when to draw the line and let our mothers or mothers-in-law know that they are overstepping their boundaries. Enough is enough! Who’s with me? There are things we have to put an end to right from the very beginning.
Here are 3 things moms do NOT want abuelas to interfere with: Correct me if I am wrong, ladies!
- Don’t tell us how to raise our children.
You raised your children already, please don’t interfere in the way I want to raise mine. You can give constructive criticism but this doesn’t mean that I am going to take it. Let me live and learn, just as you did. This covers everything from my child’s eating habits to their behavior at home and in public. Let me raise my kid! Please and thanks!
- Don´t correct their behavior.
I mentioned this above, but let me give a little more detail and perspective right now. When we reprimand our children, we DO NOT need abuela giving her own feedback in front of the child. Let’s wait until we are together privately and maybe you can share your opinion then. Overall, I would really think it’s a definite no-no! Remind yourself of when you were a parent. You remember those days? Did you really want someone telling you how to speak to your children and how to deal with an issue? I didn’t think so.
- Don’t interfere with family time. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand unexpected visits! Quality family time with your husband and your children are precious. Do we really need abuela popping in whenever she wants? You need to set the standard and let her know, this is your time!
It’s difficult to be open and upfront with our mothers or mothers-in-law, but in order for things to run smoothly in a family, we have to be honest with one another. Abuelas need to know where they stand. Of course we love and respect them but it has to be mutual. Abuelas need to know that there are certain things they can’t have a say in, especially not in front of the children. Life can run so much smoother if we respect the wishes of one another and just know our place as family members.
Share with me. What other things do we not want abuela to interfere in? Please tell me it’s not just me! And if you are the abuela, how do you feel about your daughter in law or your daughter setting boundaries?